Friday, 25 September 2009, 3:14 pm
Here we go again, im back, after a long long period of time. Sorry for the previous post, and sorry because not posting and updating anything. I have been busy and all, and above all, i am so damn lazy nowadays. Well, After reading someone's blog just now, i began to feel that there are more reasons for me to update my blog than not to. First of all, within this few months, there are lot of changes in everything in my life, including my friends and etc. Last month, i went back to melati to find a few of my friends, and so i noticed, some of them had chage their attitude towards me. Especially him, the words spoken from his mouth was like something poisonous and sharp, kept stabbing me like a dagger. I do not know why he act so strange lately, and i felt that he looked down on me, from moment onwards, i began to hate him, we used to be friends, but now what are you? Plus, some of my friends, refuse to meet up with me. I felt fucking diasspointed with them. i had already made my courtesy to come all the way down and i did told them that i was at kl at that time, yet... But in the meantime there are some friends that really do appreciate me, thanks to them, especially KokFui, Edwin and Justin, and not to forget SayJe, KokBoon and KokFai too. Friends around me changed too. Some had their own life and gf and started to isolate from their normal life, not to mentioned who they are. Another story, which is my another friend, not to mention his name here too. He is such a motherfucking womanizer, staying with girls and they had polluted and poisoned his mind, yet the girls had already psychoed him too. He will just listen and act according to what them girls said. I was like what the fuck, are you crazy? Please be rational, but he is still the same. Amen. Maybe it is just my feelings, but i can be sure about what's going on with them. Since i am no longer in kl anymore, i think i should just leave them alone. Back to kampar, my fucking housemates are damn inconsiderate. Fucking hate them. The others are still okay, i mean my classmates, i really do appreciate you guys, its better than what had happened to me a few years back. Meanwhile, exam season now, i am not sure whether i can pass my papers or not, but what the fuck, i had to try. Tomorrow's the last paper for me, but i am still here updating my blog, got no mood to study at all. Guess from the beginning till the end of the exam i had no motivation at all. I dont know what more i can do. Plus, i do felt like there are something which are still missing in my life, i began to felt bored of my freaking lifestyle already.. its just like a normal straight line in my life graph. Yesterday night, when i am all alone in my room, i felt that a pulse of emptiness surrounded me, the feeling rush through my veins to my brain. I just do not know why. Is this consider emo? So far i cant find myself answers to my questions yet. I felt that everything around me and including me needs a change, but how, why, when? These are the questions that i asked myself. I am wondering why i always created questions for myself to answer. Gosh, i dont know what am i doing now too. Guess, i am lost again... Somebody please enlighten me and show me the path i should go on with. A few days more, and i will be back to Penang again, what should i do then? Oh besides that, untill now i still cant give up listening to metal songs, its a good way for me to release myself, i guess. Everytime when my inner self is struggling with me, i would rather turn of the music and blast it loud. It feels good. I am freaking poor nowadays, i cant do whatever i wanted to, there are always limit to myself. My laptop is going to its end, and yet, i got no money to buy another one. I got no transport now in kampar, felt so helpless when you needed help so much sometimes, kept asking help from people is just so not my style. I would rather not begging people to help me than asking one. At this moment, a car is what i needed badly. Without money, i cant do shit. My parents wont give a shit about these kinda stuffs i asked for, they never will. I felt so tired of this family, i know they have their limitations too but this is what i needed for now. Whenever i talked to them regarding this matter, they will just "buat bodoh" around and trying to change topic. Let me ask, is any of you guys are like that? What kind of parents are they? I am not saying that i am the most unlucky guy around, and i am not asking for pitiness, i just need to let it all out from my mind. I wonder did my parents think about my situation now. I bet they dont. They just knew how to come back home and complaine and throw their pressure on me, i felt that its better off if i am not back at home. Problems around me, when only can you disappear. I felt tired already, but who gives a shit about me seriously? To who you know you are, and for those readers, those who had a good and wealthy family, please do not demand more and more and take things for granted from you parents okay? I fucking hate those people that who dont appreciate what they had now and kept asking for more. Besides that, i fucking hate those peoples that do not have to work and their parents keep giving them money to spend, imagine, one day if their parents are gone, they will be so fucking helpless, and that is the time i will be beside them and laugh out hard and loud. Enough said, this is where i shall stop writting and complaining. Till next time.