Sunday, 25 October 2009, 4:06 am
As usual, after holiday, here comes the torment of attending classes and going to school again. But, i had a hard feeling leaving my hometown again. Maybe its because there are something that i am unwilling to let go? Im sure of it, the feelings are so heavy. Or maybe in these 3 weeks time i have adapted to my self crazy-life-style again? Up side down lifestyle, feels like im started to become a nocturnal animal again. I know this is bad but i cant just quit it. I kept telling myself that i really should change it, but seems like it is too hard for me. The days in kampar are like fucking slow i dont know why. But special dedicate to a classmate of mine last semester, although the days we known each other was not very long, but i still wish you goodluck and all the best in your future after you had left utar for other choices. Friendship is at an unlimited border, maybe we will meet again someday? Enough said, recently, i have been feeling kinda regret of my choices made in my life. Its painful. Try to think back, on this road of my life, i had made alot of mistakes, not to say that it is fatal, but its enough to let me regret for now. Although i am not really old to say that, but it is true, i really do felt fucking regret for what i have done just a few years back. Since high school, i have made many choices. But now, looking back at it, i felt i ws so stupid. I wonder why? After high school, the twisted fate had brought me into a junction or i can say a point of no return. Sorry to say that but i am sorry for myself i felt. As for now, lots of regret coming up in my brains like some unstoppable waves. I keep on wonder why, and i keep on looking back. Why is it that i am so stupid at that time? If i did not take that move, what would be of me at this point? If things are different, what will it be now? Question marks began to filled up my mind. Once i heard people said, you cant predict future, so dont complaine, but now, its different, i had a strong feeling that i had jeopardized my future by my own hands. Damn it. Its so useless now. At this moment, if only i could turn back time, and erase all the mistakes that i have done and rewrite my future and endings, will it be better? I got no idea. But no doubt, if only i could turn back time. things will be different.


So, i saw alot of peoples celebrating their 21st birthday. Some with their family, some with their friend. Some even have their family to make a big big celebration for them. But as for me, what will my parents do for me? HEH, let me guess, its NOTHING. Hate to said so, but this is the only place for me to express my feelings. Sorry blog. Its true, nobody cares about me, to you all who do not know me, you all might think i am big enough for my parents to take care of me or i am capable to take care of myself. In this case, i hate to say that my parents are both losers. Once i saw pictures of my friend, his parents and his girlfriend secretly planned a birthday party, a big one for him, and he said he is happy. Some of my friends had their 21st birthday celebration as big as possible, but me? What can i do? Without money, i cant do shit, i envy them, envy them damn hard. I hate my life seriously. Like i said, life is so damn unfair. Why someone can have such good life while others cant? Fuck it! I just cant take it anymore.

Fuhhh, there you go, i finally release all the hate, envy, that breed inside me. There are nothing more that i can do than just sitting in front of the computer and release all my tension in my blog. What will happen next? Only god knows, since im so pathetic, just throw it all and drop it on me untill i am downed. The end of this post. Goodbye, so long and good night.