Friday, 16 October 2009, 3:37 am
I felt very down lately. Finally i god damn felt a downward sloping in the curve of my life. I felt that my i am so unlucky all the times. I hate to say so, but it is true. No matter from any aspects, from hookups until study, it is the same, i am so useless and worthless. People often see me as a happy-go-lucky person, but deep down in me, who knows that i am bleeding inside? I tried to take everything from the inside just to talk to anyone that could help me but it seemed that there are no one that i can really share my problems with, even though there are some peoples that might just can help me out, but the best they can do is just console me, and the problems remained. I felt that, i cant fucking share my problems with my parents too. They sucked to the max. It is not that i am bullshitting, but it is the truth. So many times i feel that im so helpless, but i still do not wish to share it with them. FUCK. For so many yers i had spent my life, the word poverty surrounded me and seems that it is not willing to leave me alone. I found out that, Money is fucking important, money is everything, money is power, in short money = king.


In my darkest moment of my life, i am fucking poor, i am penniless. You guys might think i am joking, but im not shitting. I repeat, i am fucking poor. As i said, Money is KING, money is everything, money rules. Without money, we cant do shit, that includes me. Without money, life suffered. You guys might wonder why i said so, but to be honest, i am not from a fucking rich family, and not to mentioned about my family, it only can be described using one word = POOR. How i wished i had a wealthy life, like those motherfuckers that are born wealthy. I hate them bastards. They dont even fucking know the feeling of poor, maybe to them the word poor doesnt exist before in their dictionary. Life is so so unfair, some peoples are borned from a wealthy family, they do not even have to work their ass off to survive. But its different case to me, to me, if i want anything, i have to beg hard or even work hard for it. This is the major different between a poor and a rich. The contrast is so fucking obvious. To be honest, i envy them, ENVY them. Jealousy filled up my mind every time. But what can i do? NOTHING. I hate my life, fuck my life. Why it is just so unfair. I know, once a friend of mine said, we cant keep on complaint bout our life, we should just try everything to make our life better. But to me, a human, will do anything for money, that includes me. I know it is useless just to write it all down here, but to me, it is just for the sake of release all my feelings from the bottom of my heart. I felt suffocating, i felt that i cant breathe. Family problems and financial problem is ghosting me haunting me now and then. I cant breathe. Please give me a break. Nobody is going to help me. In the end, i think i will choose to end my life to escape from this torment. I had forgotten since when, i hate my life even more.


Are there answers for my question? Are there solutions for my problem? Is it still unknown. I wished that there will be a light of hope shines upon me.