Wednesday, 27 January 2010, 1:32 am
I cant felt a single thing lately, maybe my numbness had overcome my pain. Arent we human supposed to have ups and downs? But to be honest, i seriously dont know what am i doing now. Things are just way too complicated for my simple mind. I do not know where to start, where to stop, where to take a break, all i know is that im lost somewhere out there, its been so long and i still failed to find myself back, the real me i mean. In my life i felt that everyone has multiple personalities, but there are some peoples in my life are just so fake, acting according to what fits them the best, i am sick and tired of these peoples. I know i am none better than them but i can said that i am at least not a faker, i do not hide my attitudes and anger in front of nobody. Enough said, i had questions in my mind, do i give peoples the wrong thought when they first saw me? Did i really looked like some gangster that i shouldn't be? Does my face looked like some pervert or some kinda playboy? To be honest, i felt sad when peoples said so, why? First, caused i am not, Second, maybe i did involved in some "stories" in the past, but i m not now. Sigh, i felt that i always gave peoples the wrong thought. I wonder why is it so. I do not mind how and what people look and thought of me, but recently, it does matter me a lot. Its not my fault that my face might looked like one of them, i do not have a choice, in fact i felt kinda down. Does my face looked so scary? I do not know what more to say. Maybe it is really true that i had this face problem. Okay, i admit sometimes the way i talked was really harsh, but i do not meant it. Say it this way, some books cant be judge by its cover, wait till you know the real me, i can be good and i can be mean, depends on situation. Seriously i do upset when peoples give negatives marks on me based of their first impression. Does impression from their first sight is really really that important? I might not looked handsome, cute or whatever, but i am a nice person. I do not hope that the end results of their first impression towards me are avoiding me, looked at me in a different way and others. It hurts me a lot. I am loser, a sore loser. I looked down on myself. If i could turn back time, i will take this chance to change all the obscenity of myself. Shoved myself back and run away. Sorry if you guys felt that i am a bad person because of how i talked. Sorry if i said something wrong, sorry that i teased you. Sorry for everything, Sorry guys and girls, Sorry for myself. Night.