Monday, 15 March 2010, 8:00 pm
Sorry my blog that i left you to dust for quite some time. But i am back right now, with some news. 14th March, the worst day of my life. These few days kept raining, its just same as my mood, i might looked okay outside but its raining blood within me. I am back to the old days i used to had. I had lost my everything, my whole world. You decided to left me. At first i do not want to make that decision, but after that, you got me no choice, but to promised you. But a day after the promised had been made, i found out that i am nothing without you, i kept thinking about you, even when my eyes are closed, the fragments of the memories will still keep playing it in my brain. I know i have been wrong, i know i have been selfish, i know i have been treated you badly, i know, i finally realized these fatal mistakes that i had made. I am an asshole, i beg for your forgiveness for everything that i have done. I realized that you were the one i love the most. You were the one that i wished to spent my life with. But now, you had left me. I am suffering now, i have been crying, and stuffs, but you dont care me like you used to be before, how i wished i could turn back time, and erase all the stubborn mistakes that i did, and try to improve myself. Since you have been gone, you changed alot, that hurts me. You seems like got no feel and stuffs, that hurts me even more. Plus, you had been cruel to me, the feeling was like got hit by tsunami and i will be gone forever. I never been so before, because my feelings towards you are real. To me you are all that i've got. I know you dont love me like how you did last time, but i can be sure my love for you wont change, nothing is gonna be able to change it. You said that why cant i be gone and let you go? The answer is, i cant, i cant do such things, its like millions of knives stabbed into my heart at once. You said why cant i just treat as you had already fallen in love with another guy? The answer is i cant, because i cant imagine it happening, seeing the one you love said such things is a torment. I just want you to know, i love you, love you very very much, every hour every minute i kept flash back on how we meet, how we get together, how great things happened between us and stuffs, oh yeah not to mentioned the sweet moments we are when we are together, i kept reminiscing the past. I will be just fine, pretending i am not. Your presence still lingers here, and it wont leave me alone. These wounds wont seemed to heal, this pain is just to real, excruciating, there are too much that time cannot erase. You said that i need time, but to me, time wont heal me as the scars that was brand on me is severely deep. I try not to let the scars grow, but i failed, it stayed. All i want is you, i need you now, you are my everything now and ever. I seriously do not want to see these things happened to us,i just do not want this chapter of us came to an end just like that. I will try and do whatever it takes just to get to you back together with me again, i will do everything, including changing myself to fit you, and things that you said i wouldnt change, one by one i will show it to you that i can make it. For you, i will. I am willing to change. I do not care on how peoples looked at me, but i am still begging you hard for just letting me to have this chance to alter back all the mistakes that i had done, and prove to you that i am worth it. Please do not just give me up without second thoughts after i said those words that i wouldnt said if i am the previous me. Who i am hates who i have been. You are so wrong when you said this "I'M JUST SO FUCKED UP!! PERHAPS I DON'T FIT TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE! PHOBIIIAAA~!!" No you are not and you just seemed to confuse only, but you cant stop the love from me towards you. I will fight away all your phobias and fears. I swear and i promised that i will change to be a better person and love you more and more day by day. Hope you read my blog. I pray to god, and i pray for myself that i have faith in this.


P/S I STILL LOVE YOU.